Y’all, marriage is the best. But real life, it’s also hard.
I’m just going to say it…pregnancy and babies aren’t always the easiest on a marriage. There are those amazing moments where you look at each other and think, “we did this!” or “we are in this together,” but there are also many in between moments that sound and look more like two (very tired) ships passing in the night.
After a baby, intimacy, deep conversation and date nights with your spouse can easily take a back seat to diapers, laundry and to-do lists. We have to fight for each other. We have to be intentional and chose each other.
Just the other day it was Hadley’s “bewitching hour” as we call it, meaning she wasn’t sleeping and I wasn’t sleeping. My husband has the impressive ability to sleep through just about anything. And I do mean anything. So he will happily help, but I often have to wake him if there is a need. Like I often do when tired and stretched thin, I took it out on my him. Unfortunately, he is often the target of my sass, my sin and my anger, typically by no fault of his own and merely due to his proximity.
The night passed and the morning light brought a new day. That meant a fresh start, but not without an apology.
“I’m sorry” shouldn’t be that hard, right?! Call it pride, call it shame, but whatever it is, there is something so painful about admitting that you were wrong. But then there are those three words that are so essential and so freeing:
“I forgive you”
With these words come a true fresh start. We are trying to teach Quinn (almost three years old), the importance of apologizing as well as both asking for and granting forgiveness. The best way I can think to teach her is by modeling it, not forcing it, but boy is that easier said than done.
Despite it’s portrayal in movies and on social media, marriage requires a daily choice. We have to work at it. It requires an intentionality on both ends.
In this season, getting away from the kids isn’t always easy, but it is always worth it. There is something so powerful about sitting eye-to-eye with no distractions and sharing a meal, laughter and some quality conversation. There is something even more powerful about doing so without spit-up in my hair, an infant in my boob and a toddler on my lap!
I find that scheduling time really helps. Whether it’s a date night, budgeting or praying together, we try to pencil it in. And by pencil it in, I mean add it to our shared i-phone calendar. We treat it like we do any other meeting, appointment or get-together. We are far from perfect, but this has helped us immensely.
I’m SO thankful for date nights. My husband is so good at having fun, letting loose and enjoying life. He is the best at reminding me not to take things too seriously, which I am known to do from time to time. I’m realizing how essential it is to get back to the basics; to remind ourselves where and why we fell in love. Because, while there are so many reasons that I love my man, it’s easy to forget them at 1AM with a screaming baby and a toddler that has come out of her room for the 10th time.
Each date night I find that I fall more in love with Ryan. Date nights (and Jesus) also energize us to weather the little storms of day-to-day life. They are a breath of fresh air and time away, together. It can be hard to leave the babes, as that often means getting a babysitter, prepping food or bottles, pumping in the car before, during or after said date and more. But it is worth it. So worth it. I have never regretted taking time to invest in our marriage. Never.
We are a work in progress, all day every day. But I am so thankful to do this crazy thing called life right alongside my man.