You are the face of God’s redemption story in my life. You see, you came at the perfect time. We had just experienced a miscarriage, a loss that I was not prepared for, nor could anyone ever be. Worse than the physical symptoms I experienced was my broken heart. I felt a sadness deeper than I had ever experienced before. I had no words. I felt alone, scared, angry, bitter and numb.
I pray that you never have to experience this kind of loss. But I want you to know that no matter where life takes you and what life brings your way, God will meet you right in the midst of your mess, just like he did for me. God met me in the midst of it all. He continued to teach me so much through our loss. He reminded me that his timing and His plan rarely look like our own, but they always work for His glory, even if we don’t see the full picture.
Out of the darkness, out of the void, God gave us you.
Joy and Sadness, rejoicing and mourning. It seems nearly impossible to hold such opposing feelings so tightly, to process them simultaneously and yet to feel both so distinctly. But that’s right where your story began.
At first, I feared that somehow, I loved your sister and our sweet angel baby so much that I wouldn’t have the capacity to love you well, or at least not as I knew you deserved. But as you grew and I felt your movements, I knew my love for you would be uniquely ours.
Feb 18, 2019 is a day that forever changed me. The moment that I heard your cry for the very first time was equally one of the sweetest and hardest moments of my life. In that moment it was official. The echo of a cry that never came to be was met with the sweetest sound and the promise of new life. Then, the same doctor who had held my hand the year before as she delivered the most devastating news possible handed me the most precious gift imaginable. You.
You see, I realized in those moments that it was you all along. God used you to start to fill the void. You were an answer to our deepest cries and greatest desires. God knew that our journey to you would be littered with pain, but he also knew your sweet face and he knew you were what we needed.
“Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of JOY.” (Psalm 126:5). Your middle name, Joy, serves to remind us of God’s faithfulness. Your easy-going personality, your smiles and your pure joy are simply a gift.
Hadley, not a day goes by that I don’t look into your sweet blue eyes, touch your tiny fingers, kiss your perfectly rosy cheeks and thank God for your life. As we prepare to celebrate your first birthday (I’m still not convinced this is possible already), I cannot help but think about your own story that you are sure to write. I want you to know that you are powerful. You are strong. You are a blessing beyond what we could have ever imagined and are most certainly more than your Daddy and I deserve.
Know that I will always be right here, cheering you on, praying for you and loving the person that God created in YOU!
Love Always, Mama