As it turns out, I am my own toughest critic. I want to do it all and do it well. If I can’t do it well, I often lose interest.
The other day my daughter was trying to do something on her own. She was getting visibly frustrated so I offered my help. She continued to try, refusing help for quite some time. She eventually realized that she needed help and reluctantly accepted.
It was in that moment that I realized my oldest daughter is me, to a T. Stubborn, determined, persistent, independent.
These are all qualities that I think will serve her well later in life. However, I want her to be able to ask for and accept help. I also want her to be able to take risks and try new things, no matter how hard it may be. I want this for both of my girls.
I want my girls to know that it’s okay to not be able to do it all well. In fact, sometimes it’s good and healthy to mess up. That’s where some of my best and hardest lessons have stemmed from.
More than A Dream
Prior to kids, I had an in-home baking business. I started it my first year of teaching (just in case being a first-time teacher living on my own for the first time wasn’t enough). It grew and grew. It went from taking orders from friends to having a temporary booth at the North Market and doing the desserts for a 400 plus person event for the Ohio State University. I could no longer sustain the level of orders with my full-time working schedule in my downtown apartment kitchen. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to do it full time, so after nearly two years of side-hustling, I decided that it was time to say goodbye and return to baking just for fun.
From day one, Just Because Bakery was a risk but it was one that I will never regret taking. I learned that I had what it took to take a dream from being just an idea to being a thriving business.
Over 6 years ago, I started a Mary Kay business. I loved helping women to feel beautiful and empowered. I quickly grew my team and was on track for directorship. Shortly after starting the process toward Directorship, I became pregnant.
Once I had Quinn, my dreams and desires shifted a bit. Though I still longed to make women feel loved and important, I realized that what I had loved about the idea of being a director was flexibility, something that I am thankful that my teaching career also gives me. Being a teacher, a wife, a mom, and a future Mary Kay director seemed like a tall order. So I gradually scaled back as my business goals and aspirations changed. Now I still do Mary Kay part time, mostly filling occasional orders for current customers and still loving using the product myself.
Through my Mary Kay journey I learned again that I had what it took to create something out of nothing. I learned that I love equipping women. And, if I’m being honest, I also learned that I am highly motivated by money and a good challenge.
And then there is the blog. Since day one it has been a creative outlet. A passion.
Blogging became routine. It became my voice. Until I had Hadley. Somehow becoming a Mom of two made it feel impossibly hard to make time for anything that wasn’t deemed a necessity. I began to write less. I felt that because I couldn’t post regularly, it may not be worth it. Then less became not at all.
I let time, or lack thereof, become my excuse for not writing. In its absence, I have realized that writing provides an outlet, a voice and something that is uniquely mine.
Though I don’t quite know what that looks like as far as frequency or specific content, you can expect to see more posts coming your way!
Each of these endeavors that I have embarked on has served to teach me so much about myself, my passions and what drives me. I haven’t always done them well, but I can safely say, I have loved each adventure and the joys and challenges that came with them.
During this phase of life it feels impossibly hard to do anything well. There are days where I feel that I am killing it at motherhood: providing healthy meals, little screen time and the perfect balance of structured and unstructured play. Other days (to be honest most days) we are surviving on Kraft Mac & Cheese and puffs. But it’s often on those days that I have more margin to be a better wife, friend or teacher because I’ve let go of the idea of chasing perfection.
In this season that balance is not something to be attained. It is not a finish line. God is teaching me that if it’s worth doing, it’s worth risking doing it wrong. If I waited until I could do it all and do it all well, I would miss out on so much of what life (and God) has to offer.
So here is to a year of taking risks, seeking things and people that bring you joy and not being afraid to get it wrong from time to time!